Sometimes it is hard to figure out what to do. My own motivations and agreements are hard enough to reconcile into a clear purpose, let alone accounting for those of the people around me who have a right to bid for my time and attention (life energy). In retrospect, it sometimes becomes clear what would have been best. How may I add clarity in advance, rather than waiting for it to be too late?

I often find myself wishing that I had framed almost everything as a more detailed proposal in advance of a decision. It may be that this only works for me and for my Conflict Done Well students but, for some reason, the shape of a proposal lends itself to description--inclusion of important details that usually get left out. "Do I want that ice cream?" (Yes!) is a different animal from "I propose that you follow up your second portion of lasagna with a three scoop bowl of Rocky Road." Just punching someone in the face is a bit different from "I'd like to make a fist and throw it into the same space occupied by your head. Let's agree to the usual accomodation--that you are entitled to do the same in return. How does that sound?" Proposals of this kind almost guarantee the presence of irony, which depends on bringing unacknowledged dynamics into the light.

I propose that you use proposals to lever into consciousness the parts of an upcoming choice which you would know were important if you allowed yourself enough time to reflect. When I reframe as a proposal what I expect of my seven and nine year old every morning, I begin to see how my expectations are what managers refer to as A Heavy Lift.

I propose that you sleep until the last possible second and still get up earlier than you would prefer. Snap immediately into action upon waking, because time is already short, and prepare everything necessary to function the entire day, doing first what is essential and leaving for a questionable later anything that seems to beg for your attention in the moment. Be ready when an adult needs to leave--timing may vary--so you will have transportation to school, at which many of the other people would also rather not be. Do this at least five of every seven days despite not wanting to for any of a hundred emotional/physiological/somatic reasons appropriate to your age. Oh yes, and when anticipating your school day also push through being afraid of dying or bringing home a virus which will at least hospitalize your family and kill your grandparents outright.

And parents, I propose you deploy your absolute legal power over your children's bodies to motivate compliance by responding with emotional violence they cannot escape, thereby habituating them to expect and tolerate this throughout their life. Sudden or continuous anger and retribution will remedy their foot-dragging, mumbling, eye-rolling, or acting out, which is excusable because every Pandemic Day brings with it an invisible, lethal enemy, out to get you and your family. I propose that you treat every difficulty, no matter how small, every inconvenience as a life-or-death situation, because disobedience is betrayal on the battlefield of life. Delay or, God Forbid, dissent could add just that extra bit of chaos to your fragile balance and be the tipping point which spins you out of control and kills everyone you love, because obedience to authority is the last defense between world order and oblivion. Right?

Follow-up

Students and consulting clients, please consider the opportunities which accompany the exercises below. If you have been participating only through correspondence and occasional calls, please consider signing up for our Conflict Done Well+Online Classes.

Describe in your own words proposals advanced in each paragraph above and track your (un)sympathetic responses.

Please notice that the examples below move back and forth between simple paraphrasing (as unadorned by interpretation as possible) and deeper consideration nuanced with questions.

Examples (from only the first little bit)

The author proposes that (by paragraph and sentence):

1.1) You must figure out what to do. This is hard.

1.2a) Clear purpose is the result of reconciling your own motivations and agreements with those of the people in your sphere of influence. Also hard, so...requiring practice?

1.2b) Some people have a right to your time and attention. Others do not. What to do with each? Is it a matter of degrees, hard and soft "boundaries"?

1.2c) "Your time and attention" is another way of saying "the energy/power by virtue of which I am alive". Does this impliy that deploying time/attention/power is a life-and-death matter? If not/so, how do I handle these matters now? Is there a way to handle life/choices/energy that would be closer to what I might feel comfortable recommending to others by my example?

Advanced Application

Apply the same approach to:

Hey, I've got a proposal! Let's assemble a mob coordinated by a shared ideology and charismatic leader, OK, a gang. Then let's commit crimes against our peers and the state, the established order.* Let's be mocked and endlessly portrayed by the majority as betraying the values and nation we say we hold dearer than life, and then go to prison or lose our lives in other ways for a Lost Cause. Scream about but accept that those who drove us on should immediately disavow and distance themselves from us in order to stay in power, so that they may claim to have been faithful when the dust settles, and so that the next wave of believers may come again with as much momentum as possible. In all this show signs that you are your own person by using symbols everyone else in your group uses, like eschewing a face cover, because any purpose with momentum is better than just being pointless everyday you, even if it should kill thousands!

Does it change anything to note the parallels between this and other culture-change movements?

* Does it change anything to add here "and felonies including the murder of law enforcement officers"?