This is the second time I have applied for this job using their online form. They asked for a writing sample. This is what I supplied:

A Completely Fictional Fairytale

by Don McCLure

Once upon a time, there was a duck. The duck was generally happy and it would spend its day doing the things ducks do. 

The duck was pretty good at being a duck and so other ducks started to flock around it and ask it where to go, what to do, where to eat and when to sleep. Eventually, It assembled a group of 25-30 ducks around it and made all the decisions for all of the ducks. It was proud to be making important decisions and felt very impressive.

As the seasons passed, the duck realized that, while it enjoyed being with other ducks and liked much of the responsibility for many of the tasks required to be a duck, it didn’t like the ultimate responsibility of deciding the fate of all of the ducks. So it decided it would be happier spending time with other ducks with some other duck in charge.

It looked like it would be easy because when it was in charge and was recruiting ducks, it would look for intelligent ducks with the same basic skill set and realized that intelligent ducks can learn new skills pretty fast and a breadth of experience and intelligence were more important than specific experience. The duck also made sure to look any applicant that would come to him in the eye and clearly state whether he was interested in them or not.

Well, one day, that duck sold its current group (and how ducks sell other ducks is the topic of a completely different story) and went off to speak to some of the larger flocks nearby.

The duck heard from the squawking on the lake that there were several badelynges (yes, that’s what ducks in a group are called, I had to look it up) who were looking for new ducks with almost the exact skill set of the duck.

So he went to approach first group. That group said: ”You seem like you know what you are doing, but you have been running your own badelynge and we don’t know if you can work under someone else.” The duck walked away, confused. It had voluntarily given up running its own group of ducks after successfully doing it. Why would it do that if it didn’t want to work for someone else?

The duck approached the second group. That group said: “You are too qualified to be with us. We really just need a duck that only knows how to walk and beg for food. You also have spent time in the lake diving on behalf of other birds.” The duck responded quickly: “Yes, but I also know how to beg for food.” The second group squawked in unison:”No! No! we want someone who ONLY knows how to beg for food. You know how to do something else! It will never work!”

The duck walked away, confused. What crazed mallard-justed birds are running these shows anyway?!

So the duck went to the third group. That group said: “You can’t actually talk to any of us directly about the position. Go fill out this online form and wait to hear back from us. But you won’t hear back from us, because we don’t actually take seriously anyone that would waste their time with an online application.”

So the duck looked at the application, saw that there was a section for a writing sample, and wrote something whimsical and completely fictional and sent it off with his application and cover letter.

The End